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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25189834">it seems to me that yet we sleep, we dream</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldsunrise/pseuds/emeraldsunrise'>emeraldsunrise</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>If We Were Villains - M.L. Rio</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Pre-Canon, in which i take a scene that actually happened and add a kiss to it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:29:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,600</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25189834</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldsunrise/pseuds/emeraldsunrise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>James turned to me, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Let’s go for a swim.”</p><p>	“Now?” The water looked nearly black, partially obscured by fog, and a surge of anxiety made my pulse accelerate. It would be too easy for one of us to drown.</p><p>James sensed my fear and grabbed my arm. “Come on, Oliver. <i>Cowards die many times before their deaths</i>…”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Farrow/Oliver Marks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>78</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>it seems to me that yet we sleep, we dream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was nearly twilight. The sun made its slow descent, seemingly melting into the horizon. James and I were alone by now, the only beachgoers who hadn’t lost interest and gone home once it started to get dark. And how could we? The air was cooling, we were drunk off white wine and, most importantly, we were together.</p><p>We sat on a beach towel together, watching the sun set in comfortable silence. James reached for the last of our wine bottles and drank deeply from it—or he would have, had it not been empty. James cast a wounded look at it and threw it down onto the sand. He leaned back on his elbows and spoke mournfully, “We’re out of wine.”</p><p>I sat back too, though clumsily. James possessed a grace that the rest of us didn’t—he moved effortlessly, like a prince. I envied the ease with which he existed in own his body.</p><p>Me: <i>I would give all my fame for a pot of ale.</i></p><p>James: <i>And I.</i></p><p>	He sighed and we remained quiet for a few minutes, our bare shoulders touching as our little corner of the Earth left the sun behind for the day. The moon finally came out, illuminating our surroundings in a soft light and bringing us back to life.</p><p>	James turned to me, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Let’s go for a swim.”</p><p>	“Now?” The water looked nearly black, partially obscured by fog, and a surge of anxiety made my pulse accelerate. It would be too easy for one of us to drown.</p><p>James sensed my fear and grabbed my arm. “Come on, Oliver. <i>Cowards die many times before their deaths</i>…” </p><p>I nodded, wishing we had more wine to calm my nerves. I took a deep breath and stood up. “<i>Boldness be my friend</i>.”</p><p>James grinned, and I thought for a moment the threat of drowning might not be so bad if it made him smile like that.</p><p>He stripped off his swim shorts and I followed suit without question. We raced to the water, laughing and pushing each other. We swam for a while, sticking to mostly shallow waters, splashing each other and reciting Shakespeare. </p><p>I felt carefree for once. We had made it—James and Meredith, Fillipa and Alexander, Wren and Richard and I. The seven of us were like family (better than family, even), and the promise of another year together at Dellecher meant the promise of another year at home. I was still not convinced I deserved my place among them, but I was grateful to be there, always in their shadow but content to share a stage with them.</p><p>I swam over to James, who had drifted a little bit. He looked ethereal in the moonlight, his skin illuminated and gray eyes as dark as the ocean that contained us. I couldn’t see the ring of gold around them in this light. I watched him, and he met my eyes with an intensity that almost debilitated me. I briefly wondered what I looked like to him right now, if I was as striking to him as he was to me. Suddenly I was filled by a deep yearning, a desire to grab onto him and never let him go. We stood there, seeing each other as though for the first time, the silence thick with something I couldn’t identify. The alcohol coursing through my veins emboldened me.</p><p>Me: <i>Stars, hide your fires;<br/>
Let not light see my black and deep desires.</i></p><p>I knew he understood my meaning by the way his eyes widened and his mouth fell open softly. Suddenly, it was all I could stare at. That perfect cupid bow, the fullness of his bottom lip. I wondered what his mouth would feel like against mine. The desire to kiss him overwhelmed me like a tidal wave pulling me under, and I found myself moving closer to him, until only inches remained between us. </p><p>“Hold your breath,” I told him, and my voice sounded strange to my own ears.</p><p>“Why?” he murmured. </p><p>“We’re going underwater.”</p><p>He was confused, but as soon as he complied I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him underwater with me. His hands clutched onto my waist for support (it was dark, after all, and I was holding him down), and I almost let out my breath in a gasp at the feeling of his hands on my skin. They were softer than I expected. My own hands reached blindly up to grasp his face and I ran my thumb over his cheek. He leaned into it. His hands tightened on my waist and I pulled him closer, my mouth easily finding his despite the water enveloping us from all sides. </p><p>It was brief, barely a brush of the lips, but I felt his surprise all the same. He pulled back and I felt the loss of him like the loss of a limb, the phantom sensation of our lips touching keeping me under a few more seconds. He broke the surface before I did, but I followed suit seconds later.</p><p>His eyes looked a little wild, unfocused. “Oliver-”</p><p>My stomach sank, dread filling me up like an overflowing cup as it dawned on me that my feelings may have been one-sided. That maybe I misinterpreted the tension between us. “James, I’m so-”</p><p>But he didn’t let me finish; his mouth swallowed my words and emptied my head of all thoughts. He kissed me like I was one of his books, containing passages he was immensely eager to explore. He was careful, methodical, as though committing me to memory for further examination. A scholar through and through. </p><p>No one had ever kissed me like this, softly, like I was a delicate, precious thing, rather than the means to an end, the last resort when everyone else was out of their league. His hands moved lightly across my back, drawing shapes or words I couldn’t decipher but desperately wanted to know. I sighed against his mouth and pulled him closer, our bodies touching and providing each other with the only warmth in these icy waters. We pulled apart periodically, long enough to catch our breath, then found each other again, as though we needed each other more than we needed air.</p><p>We explored each other with our tongues, lazily, like we had all the time in the world and nothing better to do for the rest of time. I lifted a hand up to his head, my fingers tangling in his hair, and he moaned into my mouth, clutching at my skin like we couldn’t get close enough despite us touching everywhere.</p><p>“James,” I murmured against his lips, and his name felt like a song, or a prayer.</p><p>We somehow made it back to the sand and collapsed onto the towel. Our clothes lay discarded a few feet away, but I didn’t care enough to get dressed. James and I settled in facing each other, and my fingers brushed his wet hair away from his face. We wore small, twin smiles that eventually dissolved into laughter. Our voices rang out into the night and mixed with the sound of the waves. I couldn’t remember ever feeling this happy. </p><p>I was on the verge of sleep when James spoke up, his words out of place and a sharp contrast to the mood of the night. It took me a few seconds to recognize his monologue: Pericles.</p><p>James: <i>Alas, the sea hath cast me on the rock,<br/>Wash’d me from shore to shore, and left me breath<br/>Nothing to think on but ensuing death.<br/>What I have been I have forgot to know;<br/>But what I am, want teaches me to think on:<br/>A man throng’d up with cold: my veins are chill,<br/>And have no more of life than may suffice<br/>To give my tongue that heat to ask your help;<br/>Which if you shall refuse, when I am dead,<br/>For that I am a man, pray see me buried.</i></p><p>Confused, I cast him a questioning look, but he smiled at me and reached for my hand. Our fingers found each other in the darkness and we fell asleep like that, naked and drunk and high on each other.</p><p>In the morning, I was the first to wake, the sunshine infiltrating my eyelids and rousing me from sleep. It blinded me, sending a dull ache through my head. A minute passed before my hungover brain remembered where I was, who I was with and, most importantly, the events of the previous night.</p><p>I had no time to panic or wonder what this meant for James’s and I friendship, because just then I realized our clothes were missing. I sat up and looked around, confirming that our swim shorts and shirts were indeed nowhere to be found. Even our shoes were gone.</p><p>I shook James’s shoulder. “James, wake up.” He stirred slowly and opened his eyes. “Someone took our clothes.”</p><p>We started the trek back to James’s car, awkwardly huddling close to each other behind the towel that was infinitely too small to cover both of us properly. I panicked the entire time, worried someone would discover us and we would be arrested for public indecency, but we made it back to the car unseen. We grabbed our extra clothes from the trunk and got dressed before starting the trip back to James’s parents’ house. </p><p>Despite me being unable to think of anything else the entire way back and for days to come, neither of us mentioned the kiss, either that day or ever again.</p>
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